A frustrated former big-city journalist now stuck working for an Albuquerque newspaper exploits a story about a man trapped in a cave to re-jump start his career, but the situation quickly escalates into an out-of-control circus.

Charles Tatum: Bad news sells best. Cause good news is no news.
Lorraine: I don't go to church. Kneeling bags my nylons.
[last lines]
Charles Tatum: How'd you like to make yourself a thousand dollars a day, Mr. Boot? I'm a thousand-dollar-a-day newspaperman. You can have me for nothing.
Charles Tatum: I've done a lot of lying in my time. I've lied to men who wear belts. I've lied to men who wear suspenders. But I'd never be so stupid as to lie to a man who wears both belt and suspenders.
Charles Tatum: It's a good story today. Tomorrow, they'll wrap a fish in it.
Herbie Cook: [Looking at the unstable cliff-dwelling] I don't like the looks of it, Chuck.
Charles Tatum: Neither do I, fan, but I like the odds.
Reporter: We're all in the same boat.
Charles Tatum: I'm in the boat. You're in the water. Now let's see how you can swim.
Lorraine: I met a lot of hard-boiled eggs in my life, but you - you're twenty minutes.
Charles Tatum: I can handle big news and little news. And if there's no news, I'll go out and bite a dog.
Charles Tatum: Mr. Boot, I was passing through Albuquerque; had breakfast here. I read your paper and thought you might be interested in my reaction.
Jacob Q. Boot: Indeed I am.
Charles Tatum: Well, to be honest, it made me throw up. I don't mean to tell you I was expecting the New York Times, but even for Albuquerque, this is pretty Albuquerque.
Jacob Q. Boot: Alright, here's your nickel back.
Charles Tatum: You know what's wrong with New Mexico, Mr. Wendel? Too much outdoors.
Charles Tatum: When they bleached your hair, they must have bleached your brain too.
Sheriff: You're that Tatum guy that was popping off over the phone last night!
Charles Tatum: I wasn't popping off, Sheriff; I was threatening. "Play along with me and you'll get re-elected. Don't, and I'll crucify you," that's what I said, remember?
Sheriff: I think I'll have my boys take you down to the county line and throw you out!
Charles Tatum: Throw out your campaign manager? You need plenty of help.
Sheriff: And maybe before I throw you out, I'll toss you into the 'Klink' for awhile!
Nagel: [on the telephone to Tatum] Come on Tatum! How much for the Minosa story? Exclusive!
Nagel: What! Don't you know there's a war on... somewhere?
Charles Tatum: I don't belong in your office. Not with that embroidered sign on the wall; it gets in my way.
Jacob Q. Boot: Then it does bother you a little.
Charles Tatum: Not enough to stop me. I'm on my way back to the top, and if it takes a deal with a crooked sheriff, that's alright with me! And if I have to fancy it up with an Indian curse and a broken hearted wife for Leo, then that's alright too!
Jacob Q. Boot: Do you drink a lot?
Charles Tatum: Not a lot - just frequently.
Charles Tatum: Where's my desk?
Jacob Q. Boot: The one by the door. You may be out of here by Saturday.
Charles Tatum: Sooner the better.
[first lines]
Charles Tatum: Hey. Pull up at the corner.
Vocalist: [singing] We're coming, we're coming Leo/Oh Leo don't despair/While you are in the cave-in hopin'/We are up above you gropin'/And we soon will make an openin' Leo./We're closer, we're closer Leo/And soon you'll breathe fresh air/While you are in the devil's prison/Keep the spark of life a fizzin'/We'll soon have you out of prison, Leo./Oh Leo, Leo, Leo, Leo.
Deputy Sheriff: Hey you! Sheriff wants to see you, down at the trading post. Don't waste any of his time 'cause he ain't staying around long. Maybe you ain't either.
Charles Tatum: You don't say?
Deputy Sheriff: You wanna know something? He don't like you.
Charles Tatum: And I was going to propose to him.
Herbie Cook: The old man sure looked bad. Did you see his face?
Charles Tatum: Yeah.
Herbie Cook: Like the faces of those folks you see outside a coal mine with maybe 84 men trapped inside.
Charles Tatum: One man's better than 84. Didn't they teach you that?
Herbie Cook: Teach me what?
Charles Tatum: Human interest. You pick up the paper, you read about 84 men or 284, or a million men, like in a Chinese famine. You read it, but it doesn't say with you. One man's different, you want to know all about him. That's human interest.
Charles Tatum: When the history of this sun-baked Siberia is written, these shameful words will live in infamy: No chopped chicken liver! No garlic pickles. No Lindys. No Madison Square Garden... no Yogi Berra! Whattya know about Yogi Berra, Miss Deverich?
Miss Deverich: I beg your pardon?
Charles Tatum: Yogi Berra!
Miss Deverich: Yogi? Why, it's a sort of religion, isn't it?
Charles Tatum: You bet it is! A belief in the New York Yankees!
Jacob Q. Boot: [after learning that Tatum was once fired from another newspaper for "starting something" with the publisher's wife] Now about that publisher's wife. I think you should know that Mrs. Boot is a grandmother three times. If you want to start something with her, she'd be very flattered.

Most popular quotes:

dr who tenth doctor quotes about deadbeat dad macbeth guilty quotes dark hunter quotes quotes about inspirational people 1984 julia quotes solitary quotes horoscope sayings im bi quotes buster army quotes rusty cole american history quote getting over hello fall quotes quote on television best latin tattoo nothing good comes easy jfk navy quote becareful the other quotes future nurse quotes al anon inspirational quotes einstein quotes on bees quotes about liking him poetic justice poem marilyn manson quotes columbine carl paladino quotes woman is quotes about peer pressure reminisce quote happy birthday babes quotes about failure leading to success love quotes for daughter from father brave new world happiness quotes when you wanna give up quotes bull durham quotes i believe i wish i could quotes quotes on mistakes and regrets excited to meet you quotes law and order svu ice t quotes christmas story leg lamp quotes ben franklin quotes on religion edna mode pull yourself together quotes on death and grieving funny friend sayings and quotes great gatsby chapter 6 sparknotes cat in the hat movie quotes periodic table t shirt urban outfitters what do you need from me citizen of the world quotes six million dollar man quotes my name is earl quotes world down syndrome day quotes will ferrell wedding crashers quotes sometimes things happen for a reason quotes quotes about dishonesty in relationships mothers day quotes for wife from husband quotes for turning 50 years old quotes about loving god first funny quotes about surgery recovery blood sweat and tears quotes track and field t shirt quotes happy mothers day black and white i love you always quotes lost in space robot quotes